Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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