is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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