Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
