Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
