She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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