its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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