Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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