I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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