I don't usually arrange sex via text message
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I have tasted many bathrooms
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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