Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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