I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
