Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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