She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
