Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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