never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
