2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize