I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
