The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
how do you play pong handcuffed?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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