I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
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