I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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