You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
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And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
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He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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