i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
