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I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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