so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She told me I should be a condom model.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
