U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
