She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
