his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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