You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
