I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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