so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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