She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
