you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
