Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He? As in you personified your dick?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
