you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
