is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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