he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
What a dumb baby whore.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
