All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
