I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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