Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Randomize
