Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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