highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
