So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
