dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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