I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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