If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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