everyone is single if you try hard enough
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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