he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
