I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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