You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
