Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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