i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
