im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
