i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We are two peas in an std pod
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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