you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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