if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
