It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We are all done wearing pants today
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
