I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
