DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
