My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
