Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
my liver is dry heaving
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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