If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
