She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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