Define "chronic" masturbator.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
