Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
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