Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
