Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
