Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
