she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
No subtext here. People are naked.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
