I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.