TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'd cum for enchiladas.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting