You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He better not be in your backpack
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't