i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call