WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
