About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
