in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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