Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
