you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize