I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
